8:31PM – “Welcome to The Oscars. The quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now!”
8:31PM – “The story was so top secret, that the film’s
director is unknown to the Academy.”
8:32PM – “Jean Dujardin won Best Actor for ‘The
Artist’. Now he’s everywhere. His story is a sad old story. He couldn’t make it in the talkies.”
8:33PM – “He is the sixth member of the Coppola Family to
get an Oscar nomination. ‘Look,
ma! I’ve got an ‘A’ in Spanish!’ ‘That’s impressive. Everyone in your family has an Oscar
nomination.”
8:35PM – “She told me, ‘No matter if she wins or loses,
thank God Meryl Streep isn’t nominated.’”- Seth MacFarlane (about Jennifer
Lawrence)
8:36PM – Captain Kirk tries to prevent Seth MacFarlane from
hosting the Oscars. “Your jokes are
tasteless and inappropriate. Why
couldn’t they get Tina and Amy to host.”
8:38PM – A song, “We Saw Your Boobs” with MacFarlane and the
Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles; “Oh, trust me. In July 2015, you joined that chorus.” - Kirk
8:39PM – Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron are dancing on
the Oscar stage as Seth MacFarlane sings “The Way You Look Tonight”.
8:42PM – “You’re a white guy in 2013. You can’t play a black man.”
8:43PM – MacFarlane, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Daniel
Radcliffe soft shoe to “High Hopes”.
8:44PM – MacFarlane (dressed as Sister Bertrille) chatting
with Sally Field.
8:46PM – MacFarlane sings a parody of “Be Our Guest”.
8:47PM – Last year’s Supporting Actress winner Octavia
Spencer is here to present the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor (a combined 21
nominations and all five are past winners).
8:48PM – “This must be the most impressive field of nominees
in this category.” – Octavia Spencer
8:50PM – Christoph Waltz wins his second Best Supporting
Actor Oscar (and his second for a Quentin Tarantino film) for his role in “Django
Unchained”. Wow, upset!
8:52PM – First Commercial Break
8:55PM – Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy present the second
Oscar of the night, Best Animated Short Film.
8:57PM – “Paperman” wins the Academy Award for Best Animated
Short Film for its animator, John Kahrs.
8:59PM – McCarthy and Rudd also present the third Oscar of
the night, which is Animated Feature.
9:00PM – “Brave” wins the Academy Award for Animated Feature
for directors Mark Andrews (on stage wearing a kilt) and Brenda Chapman.
9:01PM – Reese Witherspoon introduces “Les Miserables”, “The
Life of Pi”, and “Beasts of the Southern Wild”, one-third of this year’s Best
Picture nominees.
9:04PM – “You got nominated for an Oscar. Something that a nine year-old can do.”; “I
hope I don’t lose to that old lady…Jennifer Lawrence.” – Seth MacFarlane (on
Quvenzhane Wallis)
9:05PM – The Cast of “The Avengers” (Robert Downey Jr.,
Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, and Samuel L. Jackson) is on stage to
present the Oscar for Cinematography, which is the fourth category of the
night. Can Roger Deakins finally win
it?
9:07PM – Claudio Miranda wins the Academy Award for “Life of
Pi” for Cinematography.
9:08PM – The “Avengers” quintet are also on stage to present
the fifth Oscar of the night, Visual Effects.
9:10PM – The Visual Effects team (Donald R. Elliott, Bill
Westenhofer, Erik-Jan De Boer, and Guillaume Rocheron) from “Life of Pi” wins
the Academy Award for Visual Effects.
9:12PM – The Visual Effects team from “Life of Pi” gets cut
off by “Jaws” and “The Magnificent Seven” theme…and it’s time for another
commercial break.
9:16PM – Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston present the
sixth Oscar of the night, Costume Design.
9:17PM – Jacqueline Durran wins the Academy Award for
Costume Design for “Anna Karenina”.
9:18PM – Tatum and Aniston also present the seventh Oscar of
the night, Makeup and Hairstyling, of which there are only three nominees.
9:19PM – Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell win the Academy
Award for Makeup and Hairstyling for “Les Miserables”.
9:21PM – “There are a lot of beautiful women out there
tonight. And for those you who gave
themselves the flu two weeks ago to get there, it paid off.” – Seth MacFarlane
9:22PM – Halle Berry introduces the James Bond 50th
Anniversary segment.
9:22PM – We are being treated to a musical montage of .007
through the last five decades of film, from “Dr. No” to “Skyfall”.
9:24PM – Dame Shirley Bassey takes to the stage to sing
“Goldfinger” in the James Bond tribute.
9:28PM – Commercial Break Time
9:31PM – MacFarlane acknowledges Craig Zadan and Neil Meron
(the show’s producers) and the show’s director.
9:32PM – Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx present the eighth
Oscar of the night, Live Action Short Film.
9:33PM – “Curfew” wins the Academy Award for Live Action
Short Film for Shawn Christensen.
9:35PM – Washington and Foxx also present the ninth Oscar of
the night, Documentary Short Subject.
9:36PM – “Inocente” wins the Academy Award for Documentary
Short Subject for filmmakers Sean Fine and Andrea Nix Fine.
9:38PM – Liam Neeson introduces three more Best Picture
nominees: “Argo”, “Lincoln”, and “Zero Dark Thirty”.
9:41PM – “I can really argue that the actor that got into
Abe Lincoln’s joke was John Wilkes Booth.
150 years is way too soon? A
Napoleon joke.”; “The guy goes from starring in ‘Gigli’ to becoming the most
respected filmmaker. In six months, we’ll
be calling him Benjamin Affleck.”- Seth MacFarlane
9:42PM – Ben Affleck presents the tenth Oscar of the night,
Documentary Feature.
9:44PM – “Searching for Sugarman” wins the Academy Award for
Best Documentary Feature for Malik Bendjelloul and Simon Chinn.
9:45PM – Commercial Break
9:50PM – Jessica Chastain and (Ben Affleck’s wife) Jennifer
Garner present the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film.
9:51PM – “Amour” wins the Academy Award for Best Foreign
Language Film for producer-director Michael Haneke.
9:52PM – MacFarlane introduces us to the Oscar Orchestra.
9:53PM – John Travolta introduces a segment on Movie
Musicals from the last decade, with a performance from the cast of “Les
Miserables”, but it starts off with…
9:54PM – Catherine Zeta-Jones singing “All That Jazz” from
the film that won her an Academy Award from the 2002 Best Picture, “Chicago”.
9:58PM – Jennifer Hudson sings “And I’m Telling You That I’m
Not Going” from her Oscar-winning role in the 2006 film “Dreamgirls”.
10:01PM – And the cast of this year’s nominated Best Picture
nominee “Les Miserables” perform “One Day More” on the stage. They sang live every day of filming, a
motion picture rarity.
10:09PM – Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana introduce a segment for
the Scientific and Technical Awards.
10:11PM – Mark Wahlberg and Ted (voiced by MacFarlane)
introduce the next award, for Sound Mixing.
10:12PM – “Les Miserables” wins the Academy Award for Sound
Mixing for Mark Paterson, Simon Bates, and Andy Nelson.
10:14PM – “I am Theodore Shapiro and I would like to donate
my money to Israel forever.” – Ted Bear
10:14PM – Wahlberg and Ted also present the nominees for
Sound Editing.
10:15PM – OH, shit!
We have a tie! “Zero Dark
Thirty” wins the first of two Oscars for Sound Editing for Sound Editor Paul
N.J. Ottosson.
10:16PM – The other
Sound Editing Oscar goes to “Skyfall” for Sound Editors Per Hallberg and Karen
Baker Landers.
10:19PM – Academy Award winner Christopher Plummer presents
the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.
10:20PM – “These actresses have been acting since they were
teenagers. And I expect them to act
until they are older than me.”- Christopher Plummer
10:22PM – Anne Hathaway wins the Academy Award for her role
as Fantine in “Les Miserables”, in one of the most challenging roles for an
actor in cinematic history.
10:23PM – “It came true.” – Anne Hathaway on accepting her
Academy Award
10:25PM – Another Commercial Break, but I heard that Adele
will be performing “Skyfall” coming soon.
10:29PM – Huck Kotch, the President of the Academy of Motion
Picture Arts and Sciences gives his speech.
10:30PM – The Academy of Motion Pictures Museum in Los
Angeles will be the first of its kind when it opens, as Kotch said.
10:30PM – Kotch introduces the six college students handing
out Oscars tonight, who were winners of a nationwide contest on how they would
contribute to the future of film.
10:31PM – “That’s a good idea…a bunch of co-eds and drunk
producers in an open bar.”- Seth MacFarlane
10:32PM – Sandra Bullock presents the Academy Award for Best
Film Editing.
10:33PM – William Goldenberg wins the Academy Award for Best
Film Editing for “Argo”.
10:34PM – Lovely little Jennifer Lawrence introduces “the
unstoppable” Adele, who will be performing her nominated song “Skyfall”, the
title song from the latest James Bond film “Skyfall”.
10:39PM – Commercial Break
10:43PM – Nicole Kidman introduces the other three Best
Picture nominees “Silver Linings Playbook”, “Django Unchained”, and “Amour”
10:44PM – “A funny, uncomfortable, viscerating look and an
homage to the Spaghetti Western.”- Nicole Kidman on “Django Unchained”
10:47PM – “He’s a boy wizard and she’s a girl vampire. They are everything the Christian Right says
is wrong with Hollywood.” – Seth MacFarlane introducing presenters Daniel Radcliffe
and Kristen Stewart
10:48PM – Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart present the
Oscar for Production Design.
10:50PM – The ceremony is more that two hours in and “Lincoln”
finally nabs an Oscar as Production Designer Rick Carter and Set Decorator Jim
Erickson win the Academy Award for Best Production Design.
10:51PM – Salma Hayek-Pinault introduces the Governor’s
Award winners for Honorary Oscars: D.A. Pennebaker, George Stevens Jr., and Hal
Needham, plus Jeffrey Katzenberg won the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.
10:53PM – Pennebaker, Stevens, Needham, and Katzenberg are
saluted on the Oscar stage as we segue to another commercial break. There will be more presenters, plus the “In
Memoriam” tribute coming up.
10:57PM – A bearded George Clooney introduces the “In
Memoriam” segment.
11:00PM – In Memoriam: Ernest Borgnine, Eiko Ishioka, Ralph
McQuarrie, Jack Klugman, Celeste Holm, Adam Yauch, Michael Clarke Duncan,
Charles Durning, Carlo Rambaldi, Erland Josephson, Richard Robbins, Stephen
Frankfurt, Harris Savides, Tonino Guerra, J. Michael Riva, Ulu Grosbard,
Herbert Lom, Bruce Surtees, Andrew Sarris, George A. Bowers, Tony Scott, Theodore
Soderberg, Lois W. Smith, Geoffrey G. Ammer, Neil Travis, Mike Hopkins, John D.
Lowry, Hal David, Nora Ephron, Charles Rosen, Jake Eberts, Mike Kohut, Frank
Pierson, Chris Marker, Charles C. Washburn, Ray Bradbury, Richard Rodney
Bennett, Robert B. Sherman, Richard D. Zanuck, Matthew Yuricich, and Marvin
Hamlisch were among those in the film industry, both in front of, and behind
the camera, whom we lost in this past year.
11:02PM – Barbara Streisand pays tribute to the late Marvin
Hamlisch with “The Way We Were” which won two Oscars for Hamlisch back in 1974.
11:05PM – Commercial Break
11:08PM – The cast of “Chicago”: Richard Gere, Catherine
Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger, and Queen Latifah (on the 10th
Anniversary of the film’s Oscar Win for Best Picture) present the Oscar for
Original Score.
11:10PM – Mychael (with a Y) Danna wins the Academy Award
for Original Score for “Life of Pi”.
11:12PM – Gere, Zellweger, Latifah, and Zeta-Jones are also
presenting the Academy Award for Best Original Song.
11:14PM – But first, Norah Jones is performing the fifth and
final nominee, “Everybody Needs a Best Friend” from MacFarlane’s film “Ted”.
11:16PM – “Skyfall” wins the Academy Award for Best Original
Song for composers Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth.
11:18PM – The Lead Acting, Screenplay, Directing, and Best
Picture categories are left…but more commercials….
11:23PM – Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron (one’s 75 and
short, the other is tall and a great dancer in a dior dress) present the
Screenplay Oscars. First, Adapted
Screenplay.
11:24PM – Chris Terrio wins the Academy Award for Best
Adapted Screenplay for “Argo”.
11:26PM – Next up, Original Screenplay.
11:27PM – Quentin Tarantino wins the Academy Award for Best
Original Screenplay for “Django Unchained”, Quentin’s first Oscar win since
penning the Screenplay for “Pulp Fiction”.
11:27PM – “Charlize is my neighbor…” – Quentin Tarantino
upon accepting his Oscar
11:28PM – “I have to cast the right people to make this film
alive.” - Tarantino
11:28PM – “This will be the writer’s year!”- Tarantino
11:29PM – “Coming up, the Oscar for Best Director.
And since we’ve been here this long, we’re
going to start the 2014 Oscars…after this!” – Seth MacFarlane
11:32PM – “They were here when this island was nothing but
cocaine trees the eyes can see…”
11:32PM – Academy Award winners Jane Fonda and Michael
Douglas present the Academy Award for Best Director, which was a surprising
batch of nominees this year.
11:34PM – Upset Alert! Ang Lee wins the Academy Award for
Best Director of a Motion Picture for his film “Life of Pi”.
11:37PM – Only three more categories…Actor, Actress, Picture
11:37PM – “Will it be Quvenzhane Wallis, who is nine, or
will it be Emmanuelle Riva, who was nine when this show started?” – Seth MacFarlane
on who will win Best Actress
11:40PM – Last year’s Best Actor winner, Jean Dujardin
presents the Oscar for Best Actress.
11:41PM – “If I were an actress, I would be an even better
actor.” – Jean Dujardin
11:43PM – Jennifer Lawrence wins the Academy Award for Best
Actress in a Motion Picture for “Silver Linings Playbook”.
11:44PM – “You guys are standing up because I fell and this
is embarrassing.” – Jennifer Lawrence
11:45PM – “Our next presenter needs no introduction.” – Seth
MacFarlane (on Meryl Streep)
11:45PM – Last year’s Best Actress winner Meryl Streep
presents the Oscar for Best Actor.
11:48PM – Daniel Day-Lewis wins the Academy Award for Best
Actor in a Motion Picture for “Lincoln”.
(And Meryl is such a pro, she didn’t need to read the envelope. She’s THAT good). Daniel Day-Lewis is the first person to win not one, not two, but
THREE Lead Acting Academy Awards.
11:51PM – Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to present the Best
Picture Oscar.
11:53PM – First Lady Michelle Obama gives a message via
satellite from The White House as she helps Jack Nicholson present the Best
Picture Oscar.
11:56PM – “Argo” becomes the fourth Best Picture winner to
win WITHOUT a Best Director nomination.
Bearded Hollywood hunks Ben Affleck and George Clooney go home with
Oscars.
11:58PM – “…I want to thank my wife, whom I don’t associate
with Iran…”- Ben Affleck rambling on in the Best Picture acceptance speech
12:00AM – “We’re going to come back with a proper goodbye,
but first, here’s who’s paying for this stuff.” – Seth MacFarlane, closing out
the show
12:01AM – Seth MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth sing a
tribute to the losers.
12:05AM – That’s all she wrote on the 85th Annual
Academy Awards. Movie Awards Season
2013 is in the books! On Wednesday
(knock on wood), the Top 10 Pre-Nominations for the 40th Annual
Daytime Emmys will be announced. IN
about less than 20 hours, “The DJBC Happy Hour” will broadcast live. But, I’m going to stay up and watch Jimmy
Kimmel Live’s After-Oscar Special.
